2 minute shower

Posted by on June 10, 2019

Bonjour All.

Please note:

Now up and running, our new email address: j.speer@orange.fr

This is all thanks to orange, for costing us less than sfr, JS’s perseverance, but mostly thanks to Houston/Swadlincote HQ for “Remotely’ intercepting us at 11pm last night and successfully making this possible.

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A big kiss to Lou,D and probably Hattie. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Macron & water bottles
“Nessi, (like the lochness monster!) Macron has offered free water bottles to all motorists on the autoroutes throughout France during the exceptionally hot weather, but the yellow jacket demonstrators (militant lot) can only receive an empty bottle!”

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Hot
“Shall we take the trailer JS? because the pool needs filling up and I would just die for a longer shower than 2 mins!” It has been 40 degrees plus everyday here for the last month, even at night its 36! JS continues to resist the thought of heavenly air conditioning. “would you like a holiday in the Caribbean, white sand, chrystal sea and a Pina collada, or a noisy fan humming away all night?”

Absolutely nothing could be as noisy as his snoring, and the thought of a cool night, plus the bagpipes on full blast may just be more acceptable than a perfect beach.

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Best grandma babysitter ever & No. 7
Quite a few UK visits this year, babysitting the twins, babysitting the twins and babysitting the twins!!! With an hour off each time for excellent grandmother behavior, I to dash into M&S, John Lewis and Boots. The No.7 counter can see me coming, and almost greets me personally… “it’s the lotion Queen from that dried up part of France, grab her quickly and convince her at her age she needs to top up on the latest anti-wrinkle creams”
Honestly, I never make it past the no.7 counter, without every possible ‘we promise this cream will make you younger ‘promotion’”

Ladies, or gentlemen, IT DOES NOT WORK!!!

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Alpacas
We visited an alpaca farm with all the grandchildren in Atherstone. A boiling hot day, the alpacas just wanted to eat the grandchildren (intelligent animals) A wonderful day out!

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Still best grandma babysitter ever
In the glorious Solihull sunshine, I volunteered to pick up Indy and Remy from the child minder, about 2 miles each way. Trainers on and double buggy well stocked with emergency rations, (this Granny was once a Priory hospital team leader in case of any emergency, for one day at least!) I thought nothing of pushing an empty pram up the road to the collection point. After 3 successful trips, an elderly gentleman attending his front garden stopped me and asked, “Have you found something to fill your empty buggy Dear, or do you think a cup of tea and a chocolate digestive may help?”

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Those pesky bats
The bats continue to breed like rabbits in the garage, some of them have twins and triplets, much to JS’s disgust, especially with the amount of bat poo they can deposit in just one day. Excellent for the garden we are told, bearing in mind all the plants have dried up completely, so depositing bat poo may just kill or cure.
I reckon if Shipman (JS) sleeps in the garage for 24 hours, the noise of his snoring would force them to move their breeding station, and meanwhile I could install the air conditioning. I’m not such a dumb blonde you know!

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Caterpillars vs my bottom
I attempt to do my lengths every morning, after removing 100’s of ghastly suicidal black caterpillars from the bottom (of the pool, not my bottom!) .  My PT promises me that the body will be transformed by Autumn, he is lying, like the sales ladies at the No.7 counter.

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The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
Tash and Franklin continue to receive every award there is possible from the French government for the cleanest most immaculate, not a spider or cobweb in site house in Callas, even Jackson, the dog wears bootees everywhere!

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Illegal Immigrants
We remain illegal immigrants at St Blaise, as far as the opinions of the local French are concerned, despite a carte de sejour, proof of euro dosh tucked away under the beds (hoard it when you can with the most recent Boris euro/sterling exchange rate!) in fact, I reckon the French tax office in Paris know more about the Speers than 90% of the genuine native French!I

However, despite their bureaucratic minds for paperwork, and every i must be dotted, and t crossed, I received my driving licence 2 weeks ago.
The application was submitted October 2018!
Nante (driving licence HQ) also requested numerous forms of ID… birth certificate, passport, marriage x 2 certificates! (and the bits in between!), and my original UK driving licence.
Much to everyone’s surprise, after 8 months my new  French licence arrived by registered post, but was delivered into the wrong letter box and signed for by a neighbour. I can now officially drive in France a car, a double decker bus, all HGV vehicles and a JCB!!!! (French administration at its best!)

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A bit of a rant
So, I have now tested the patience of Orange.fr, and the persistent interruption to this round robin from our previous server, SFR. an invasion of flying ants, bats rerouting through the office towards the garage, stag beetles, mosquitoes and a sandstorm brewing up!

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Life continues for our lady in France to be as calm as it is always has been and always will be!

With all my love

Olif. Xxxxxx

Ps.

John and Cag: Bring plenty of insect repellent! As well as cheddar cheese and high baked water biscuits next week please.

Mike/Stig: Grammar correction if you could find time between driving the BMW i8 coupe around your country estate. (Thank you OLIF – she is referring to my new job as a Trade Plate Driver for Ecomotive Logistics. PPS. The grammar correction takes longer & longer each Round Robin)

TJ and Keith: love to the twinnies but could you get a dishwasher that works next time I come to stay. Xxxxxxxx

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