2019, and now 2020!
Bonjour mes amies.
The Beast from Spain
“You are the physio, be it sometime since you retired! I need a machine to make my ankles bigger!”
“Why don’t we have a personal trainer that looks like Daniel Craig “I suggest.
A week later, the beast from Spain arrives, a Multigym.
Flat packed, 12 boxes, 245 individual parts, 12 alan keys and instructions for erection in Spanish. Delivered by DHL, a Frenchman who had no resemblance to Daniel Craig or Mr J in any form!
Assembled, and looking rather like something from 50 Shades of Grey.
“Try it out Nessie”
“What about those 8 nuts and bolts you haven’t used?”
“Don’t think they are essential, have no idea where they should go!”
Franklin carefully explained to the optimistic OAP’s, correct usage to maximize every muscle group, number of repetitions, and get the surviving parent in law to memorize the procedure to contact the pompiers!
JS’s ankles continue to remain the same size!
Passport for an illegal immigrant (rant).
A UK citizen, resident in France, a possible Brexit agreement on the horizon, and JS’s passport is due for renewal.
Advised by one of her Majesty’s Passport Officers ‘Mr Bean’ suggests we can either apply on line, by post, collect a form from a UK post office, or use the one day personal service by appointment only, he wishes us the best of luck in any event, since the French yellow vests have put an end to an efficient postal service, BA pilots can strike at any moment, the post offices are confused to which form is currently used and the personal service bit costs the hopeful applicant twice as much as the other methods but the extra dosh goes directly to the government and not to Mr Bean, who, as a hardworking, dedicated civil servant is totally fed up with the system and wants to retire to the south of France!
Looking tanned, hair carefully bouffoned and all traces of stubble removed (this is JS not me!). It’s passport photo time.
“Who is this?” JS asks
“it’s you isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so, this guy looks dead, let alone apply for a 10-year passport!”
Liverpool passport Office, 9am, 20/11, the hopeful candidate arrives for his interview, armed with all necessary documents and a choice of 36 ID photos (all as ghastly as each other!). 3 hours later, new passport handed over with a little wink from the Passport Officer, “We used your original passport photo ID Mr Speer” who quoted, “if you look like your passport photo, you’re not well enough to travel!”
Me and The Beatles!
The French find that there is nothing better to talk about at a French dinner party than Macron or will us Brits be deported back to the UK sooner or later?
I quickly change the subject to the yellow vest disputes and that occupies the conversation till its time to go back home!
We continue to have French conversation lessons every week, which will be useless if we are sent back!
A spare UK chateau?
We remain illegal immigrants, until Boris accepts our existence, but when this memorable day happens (if at all) have any of you guys got a spare UK chateau en face a la mer?
A few trips abroad
We had visitors during the whole summer, so it was tight on the waterfront, high on the salads, and even higher on the local rose!
A quick break to the Fairford Air tattoo in July, on the exact date that the UK had more rain than we had had in 3 months at St Blaise, saw no displays except for a Ryanair flight which must have got lost on its way to Malaga.
A long weekend in Neuwied, Germany, with close friends Eckhard and Astrid, who fed us nonstop on delicious German food and an evening on the Rhine to experience ‘The Rhine in Flames’ a magnificent summer night with local wine, beer and fireworks (a must on everyone’s Bucket list).
A week in Tenerife in December, sunshine, Spanish wine this time and an evening with our Lithuanian friends who work in Adeje, to a party in a mountain cave to meet the local mafia. An interesting evening.
Franklin & Tash in America
Franklin and Tash are very happy in their new house.
After the whole process of buying land, building a palace, constructing and completing all the interior themselves, they decided a holiday was in order their first for 5 years.
In October they went to Santa Rosa, near San Francisco, where Franklin’s Dad and step mum live.
They timed it well… the worst fires for 5 years, evacuated twice, no method of communication for a while.
Incredible support from Max,Stephanie and Sean throughout the ordeal.
Thank you to our American family. xxxxx
The Twinnies have started school, football training sessions and ballet classes every week.
They love school most of the time, ballet all the time (Grandma Speer’s influence) but are not too keen on the football big boys, which goes down like a lead balloon with Keith!
Champers, DIY, hoping the multigym changes the body, becoming fluent in French (that will be the day)! And probably more champagne!
Emmanuel Macron has said France won’t promote Dry January in case it harms the country’s wine industry.
All my love
PS:. Mike, I know you are busily organizing the logistics of delivering a Ferrari or a Porsche to richer clients than Olif, but could you check my grammar, spelling and transfer this RR to www.ourladyinfrance.co.uk please. Xxxxxxx love u.(the creep) – Done my Darling OLIF!