Coronavirus. We will beat it.

Posted by on March 27, 2020

Support from Olif and JS.

We will beat it, we will beat it, together. (Boris Johnson March 2020)

A huge thank you to all our medical staff worldwide for their expertise and dedication.

Encouragement to you all from up the mountain.
Where the Golden Eagles continue to fly, and Olif and JS are in isolation for a further 5 weeks!

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JS loo lockdown

Macron announced March 25th that he has extended the French lock down. The over 70’s must self-isolate (so reluctantly Olif has had to confine JS to the downstairs toilette, obviously supplied with plenty of loo paper, no shortage) fresh fruit, bottled water and his kindle. Internet in there is a little temperamental, but such is life.

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Excercise

Similar to our UK friends we can exercise daily, but here we must walk on our own, maximum 1 hour and only 1km from home.
No cycling and we can only visit either the pharmacy or do a food shop. Unlike the Brits, every time we do escape (according to Tash, Brigadier- chef) we must by law have proof for the purpose of our visit to show the gendarmes who may pop up between the lavande at any rond point, of the following…

The Law

  1. An attestation de Deplacement Derogatoire confinement form, stating reason for departing from St Blaise, dated, and the time you leave home, to show that you are not using this form as an excuse to stay out all day, and signed. The police have the authority during an inspection to enter the time, so that the form cannot be used for a second trip on the same day.
  2. Original passports
  3. Carte de Sejour
  4. French Driving licence
  5. Carte grise
  6. Yellow jackets
  7. Breathalyser
  8. Red warning triangle
  9. English/French dictionary

Plus, for the french ladies…
A lipstick
Small bottle of perfume and a packet of M&S gingernuts or homemade chocolate cake, obviously to charm the police in case of a stop! (Not a fact – Gerbil)

The French Police have fined over 4,000 people since March 17th for violating lockdown, a fine of 135 euros and could go up to 375 euros.

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Tips from Olif

If possible, but time is running out fast, try and do the following before you get to week 3. Macron or Boris could extend your period of isolation!

In order of importance! All with a pinch of Olif humour…

Get the highlights topped up
Eye lashes extended and dyed
Eyebrows shaped and dyed
Top up on all body and anti-wrinkle creams
Pedicure and manicure
Entire body exfoliation
Thorough waxing everywhere
Teeth bleached
Order at least 6 months of daily contact lenses.

…else you will not be recognised by your public, or even see your public when we are let out!


Once you have accomplished the above, next job is to teach your other half jobbies they have never attempted prior to COVID19…

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JS Jobs

Replace loo rolls (if you have any that is!)
Cook anything other than spag bog
Iron
Locate the vacuum cleaner (to use it may cause a domestic, so delay that idea!), or in my case learn how to start the tractor
Do not confuse petrol with ‘mix’ half and half
And an even bigger challenge, pull the cord of the starter motor of the strimmer without bursting a blood vessel or punching one’s chin with the backlash.

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Exercise

Regularly…
Down the track to the post box.
A little further than the statutory legal distance each way
No letters to collect as the local facteur (postman) is self-isolating till further notice.
Wave to the neighbours, from a 2metre distance and offer any friendly support, in French of course, who then smile, wave and repeat my sentence again in correct grammatical French!
I get used to this, but I do miss all the kissy kissy bit.

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Pharmaceutical supplies

The French are neurotic about their health (Gerbil – need references!), so the queues here are gigantic. Far worse than the sights we see on the BBC at your supermarkets.
Falling low here on paracetamol and durex apparently!
Our German friend has offered to send both as supplies are plentiful over there. I can send loo rolls by DHL to anyone who needs them.

Alcohol gel. Shipman (JS) has spent many hours in the garage creating his own chemically acceptable hand gel. He has not perfected it yet!

Alcohol and Prostitution

Local wine remains readily available (thank goodness).
Tabac’s remain open, and I did notice en route to do a food shop that the prostitute’s van plus prostitute remains in her position on the R2246.
Not sure how the 2 metre distance protection policy works here?

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Both JS and I send everyone everywhere all our love, support and once achieved, the ingredients for Shipman’s anti-bacterial hand gel.

All my love

Olif.
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PS: A message from Gerbil and Maudie…
We really miss all our family and friends.
To everyone who loves Nessie & JS, keep in touch
Please stay safe..

All our love
Mike (aka Gerbil) and Maudie (aka Mrs Speer)
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