Fire

Posted by on February 2, 2008

Silly Gilly

Two weeks before Christmas, on a particularly cold night, our Gilly decides to settle down with a full bodied Bordeaux, and a warm fire.
Preparing the fire she deposits the ash into a plastic bucket (first clue) then plants it next to the wood shed (second clue) makes up the fire, settles into her armchair, sips the red wine and listens to the Archers.

Nature calls, and on her way to the loo, notices flashes of lightening, and the sound of heavy rain. Takes a quick peep outside and then notices that the entire woodshed is one enormous blazing inferno.

PANIC that’s the immediate reaction, grabs the hose pipe, aims it at the base of the fire, (she remembers this from her health and safety lecture 20 years ago) and turns on the tap. Hosepipe frozen, no water, fire creeping closer to house and several neighbours houses as well.
Ring for the pompier. Is it 13, or 19, or 17? Dial 999 that may do something. Response at last, telephonist wants to know the poison she may have swallowed, or the colour of the snake that has bitten her!
Neighbours to the rescue, pompiers arrive, Mayor arrives, Ambulance arrives with the antidote!!

Don’t ever tell me that it’s only blondes that are dumb!

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Sarkozy

Sarkozy, our President, described here as a strong resemblance to the fictional rascal Mr Punch- "short, pot bellied, with a disproportionately large nose" supposedly denoting sexual potency and promiscuity – who murders his wife after she complains of his extra marital canoodling.

Perhaps he has met his match with his new squeeze, thought to be the mistress described as a praying mantis with a terminators smile. Now he has gone and married her, just so he can present her to HRH. Watch out Philip, you thought Diana was a handful; this one could kill you with one glance.

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Free TV

JS was stopped in his tracks the other day by our man, Mr Joe Vision (Local TV expert!!!) who explained that we can now receive free French TV and hundreds of other channels including, as he winks at JS "something a little saucy"

Naturally, JS speeds off to the internet and buys himself a decoder. Decides to save a few Euros and prepares to set it up. After, what seems hours he succeeds…
That is if you want channel Afghanistan, Iranian channel 4, and even more disappointingly, no saucy little numbers!!

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Xmas at Mike & Maudies

Flew to the UK for Christmas, were treated like royalty by Michael and Maudie, JS ate too many mince pies and Christmas cake.

I avoided the sprouts, Tess and Tash stole each other’s stocking presents, and Jilly practised her French for "FIRE!"

New year was spent in Cannes watching the feu d’artifice, with JS kissing some old bird full on the lips at midnight, said he had had too much champagne and it was dark! (the old bird WAS NOT Me!)

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Tash is very hapy

She received Christmas presents from all the "ex’s", enough perfume for a year, then promptly dumped the lot and is now going out with Anthony. A strapping, intelligent pompier from Vidauban, who we call dix-huit. An admirable choice from my point of view, and a necessity for Jilly.

Her dad continues to worry about his daughter’s welfare.

I just remind him that we have had our garage re-plastered, a free meal at St Endreol, garden re-designed, the Kia engine overhauled, and now we have our own personal fireman, how could any dad complain?

Thank you Squidgy, Stig, Thomas, Gaby, Chef and dix-huit.

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Smokers

The day of reckoning has arrived for Europe’s most incorrigible smokers.

On January 1st it has become illegal to light up in the bars. There is a definite sense of panic in these parts. Café owners warn of mass insurrection, businessmen say productivity could plunge, and psychologists fear the country may not stand the shock, Bridget Bardot may top herself, and the editor of "Le Monde" mourned that the world is collapsing.

Note. The States banned smoking in 2003. In the 1950’s full strength Gauloises packed 35mg of tar in each ciggy. Not surprisingly there are few people left alive to say what they tasted like, and the modern versions of the cigarettes have as little as 1mg of tar.

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Tit spotted

Great news – have spotted a Great Crested Tit near our bird bath. No, it’s not Carole, but an equally rare specimen.

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Olif in print

Olif is going into print.. No not the Blog, but a small but perfectly written note to the editor of Olive magazine, about her expat culinary experiences! Will send all friends a copy, just in case you miss it!!!

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Weather

Weather here is awful today (6th Feb 2008) – 13 degrees tomorrow and 21 on Friday!! Water level high, both cuves bursting and we can have our first bath tonight for 9months! So it’s not all swimmingly perfect here!

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Golf at St Endreol

After some thought and desperation (on their part), I have been asked to play for the ladies golf team at St Endreol.

They are all French, cannot say a word of English, have handicaps well below 13, are dressed in designer golfing attire, BUT – none of the buggers have had a hole in one.. yet. (YESSS!!!)

All my Love OLIF xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS:

Cag. Have you got those poor exhausted feet in the foot spa yet xx
Tess. Cannot wait to see you in two weeks time. Have you had yet another pay rise yet?!
John, Juliet, Jenny and Peter. Thank you for entertaining my Mum so well at the edg. Golf club luncheon. Love to you all. When are coming to play golf with this new lady member for the Riviera ladies?!!!!
Pip and June. Will be emailing you shortly. Love to rusty.

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