Kissing Zone

Posted by on March 24, 2009

As France rejoins NATO.a reminder of why we never missed them!

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
THE ARMY.
Why is the french fighter plane called the Mirage?
It doesn’t exist.
And finally…
How do the French advertise surplus World War 11 rifles for sale?
Never fired, only dropped once.

Bonjour All.

Slight delay in completing the latest round robin, no excuses just lazy.
The French do love their animals. In Puget, one can drive ones car into the car wash, put your washing into the cleanest automatic washing machine, big enough to wash JS at 60degrees, and wash and blow dry your pooches for 2euros. Honestly.
Carefully place Charlie, now stone deaf, very old, with a very sexy gait due to several healed fractures of the pelvis, onto well balanced table. Press button 1 and raise level of table to desired, back friendly position. Lift escape gate so terrified dog does not flee, press button 3,spray gently with warm shower water mixed with Palmolive silky touch, rinse thoroughly, finally press button 4,activate hairdryer, gently blow dry terriers hair into a bob, and we have completed the job. Car cleaned, JS sparkling and Charlie comatosed!

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As you are all aware the French love their cycling races, especially around the Var. Beautiful countryside, mild weather and enthusiastic spectators. The Haut Var international cycling race passed by Figanieres recently. JS was keen to wave them on, so we positioned ourselves at the Grasse/Callas crossroads, reached for the picnic, and opened a bottle of local Rose. And waited. Meanwhile, the Gendarmes became more anxious as to the exact direction that the 100 or so cyclists were approaching, west to east, or could it be north to south, no one seemed to know. Finally, reinforcements arrived. Flashing light, siren blasting, obviously the “chief” was on his way to put some order into this motley crew. No…It was the local inspector from the Village in his Sunday best, who having heard that his associates were working on a SUNDAY! Refreshments were in order. So as the golden hour of 12noon arrived, Chief constable Cleuseau delivered what can only be described as a gourmet meal with a selection of wine from his favourite vineyard.
The gendarmes settled down comfortably, in the middle of the crossroads, the cyclists passed by unnoticed, north to east! Then we all went on our way!

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I recently heard that Virgin Trains have now designated a kissing zone on a train platform somewhere in rural England. Apparently, the passengers were delaying the trains, by making them wait whilst passionate embraces were performed. Not to mention the embarrassment to other less fortunate passengers! Now, here in FR. a great kissing country, the entire platform is designated as a kissing zone. Here one can kiss an almost stranger twice on the cheek, not to mention if one knows them well, it has been known that four or five kisses can occur. But, the French TGV corporation have done their research. The train arrives, people get off and start kissing their loved ones, the passengers about to embark start kissing their loved ones again, they then get onto the train, and within 3minutes exactly we have established 4000 kisses, no delay and the TGV heads forth to another kissing zone.

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JS and I had a little holiday in November, which was perfect except for two reasons. When we arrived we were put into the German block, must change the surname, and the plane delays. 24 hour delay from Gatwick to the Dominican Republic, and a further 24delay from Gatwick to Nice on our return. Now in times like these one must be in the company of the French. Can they revolt! A £5 food voucher was offered by Thomson’s on the way out, but when the Easy jet flight to Nice was cancelled, 98% were french. Don’t mess with the French. They simply cannot tolerate delay, even if Easy Jet complained that they had no flight staff. This was not an option to cancel the french flight. After only 30minutes, Our Union leader, Monsieur Scargill, had us all booked into the Hilton, dinner with wine included (naturally) and a wake up call for 10am! We even got our £5 food/wine voucher to use on the flight the next day.
Still we had a good time…

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Wonderful skiing this year in the south, from late October, and it’s still snowing up in the mountains if anyone is interested. It beats St Moritz. Easyjet flight to Nice, drive to the Speers, wine and dine over night, and 40minutes away be on the slopes, and its cheaper for a day pass, insurance and helmets!

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Part of last year was very sad. Three of my closest friends died, all in close succession. Dr Pip Robertson, whom I knew for 33years. A consultant radiologist, who took this rather loud newly qualified physio under his wing at heartlands Hospital. A keen squash player always beat me easily, even after I broke his finger, he won!
Mike Mitchley a friend for 31 years, taught me everything I know about golf, and finally Les, my cleaner for 28 years at Oakham road and Welly road, who taught me everything about cleaning! I miss you all, look after my dad up there, and make sure he behaves himself! Some hope!

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At the end of the golfing year at St Endreol, the members have an evening for prize giving, speeches and of course a slap up meal with the finest wines. A prize goes to the player who has made the most stableford points in the monthly matches. Now, this is calculated by the Lady Captain, who thinks I am rather loud, laughs a lot, and wears too shorter skirts. Is English and hasn’t got a clue about the rules, and Jean Pierre, a 14 handicap charming Belgium gentleman, who we play with regularly. Now we all know that every golf club is ruled by the men, so needless to say when there is a slight discrepancy to who has won the Ladies Cup 2008, the man has the final say…So I won!

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Tash is still in love with the pompier, Antony, who continues to work for the french army, safe bet here, no fear of wars.. He also works in his spare time for Aups Sapeurs Pompiers.He can experience some local fires, emergencies etc, which the army only gets involved in when it is a catastrophic disaster. A Charming genleman, loves Tash to bits, has enormous muscles and a dead sexy french accent. May this relationship last a long time!!

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Tash continues to study the french baccalaureat, finds Italian almost impossible, maths getting better, loves biology, physics and chemistry(now this is a surprise) getting better at ping pong, and thinks Alain in Premiere is dead drop gorgeous!!!

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Tess has started a new Job as an SLT at Russell’s Hall Hospital, has moved to a band 6, has two juniors and a secretary beneath her, reckons they know much more than she does, but can manage to convince them and her superiors that she is the girl for the job!(sound advice from her experienced mother!

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Jill still loves France. Will soon beat all the local Frenchmen at boules, is madly in love with the local policeman, and continues to help me with all the decorating and DIY that JS finds boring! Recently broke her finger whilst painting our spare room, but continued to paint like a true Brit, encouraged by the manager (me) that we had to finish the job because we had visitors soon!

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JS and I continue to have French lessons every week. We are now on our 10th teacher, but have roped in two very good expat friends to join us. John B is brilliant with the vocab, Chris can talk about the french politics forever, JS interrupts occasionally and I make the tea and cakes!
JS still snores!!

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Life is almost perfect here, but has recently become even more perfect. We can now buy….English cheddar, Birds custard powder, baked beans (haricots Blancs a la sauce tomate, tastes nothing like Heinz however) and porridge.
HOWEVER, we cannot get….Double cream, decent sausages, curries, high baked water biscuits from Asda,Miracle Grow for me geraniums and Marmite…so when you arrive for the skiing experience please pack the mentioned.
And Finally…….

Why is the French Foreign legion the only decent fighting force in the whole French army?
Because it’s made up of foreigners.

All my Love
Our lady in France. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS. June. Continue to be brave.xx
Cag. Get a spray tan before you arrive, then you will look like a local. Venus does it for £20…
Joe and Val. Always lovely to see you. Consultation went well, particularly the advice on night and days! xx
Frank and Sarah. Sorry we did not have time to see you, but it was an excellent drive off the first Frank.xx
Mike. Have still got a piece of pappadom stuck in the keyboard. What do you suggest? Love to Maudie.xx
Em and Gerard. Get going with the steak and chips’
Tess. Love you, and love even more the Audi TT xx
Niki. Thank you for your help. Xx
Dee and Al. eat plenty of root vegetables; apparently it helps the process work! Love the witch xxxxxxxxxxx
Wally and Gwen. So sorry we did not manage to see you both will organize it better next time.
Mummy. Love you as always. Xxx
Alain and Sami. Saw Swan Lake at the ROH last week, simply superb. Alexandra Ansanelli and Valeri Hristov were the principal dancers. Was your little one performing? ps. sorry Alain about the jokes re. The french..
John, Juliet, Peter and Jenny. We will be over in September; can we organize a lunch at Edg? Sorry we missed you this time.
Kate and Frank. Have found an identical bag for the Nun at the Callas market. Shall we send it to you or the Nun? It was Scunthorpe wasn’t it?
Buzz. You would be proud of JS, he has watched all the rugby, but after 2 hours sort of lost the plot and fell asleep!
JS. Please stop snoring….xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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