A very first in the Speer household has put me into a state of shock. JS has not only found the ironing board and the iron, he has started and almost finished the ironing. I can only put this down to the fact that after going through every test, up every orifice, and coming through it as clean as a whistle! He is a new man.
One more test has been suggested to him, to swallow a camera the size of a large horse pill, and the video footage will be relayed to the surgeon as the little jobby sails its way down Js’s body. This device costs well over a £1000, so our translator (Tash) was told by the consultant that at the end of the procedure he must be very diligent and catch it as it approaches the end of the tunnel!. JS nearly had a fit, not with this little fact, but this very camera may well have been up a french bottom previously, A British one was acceptable but not a french one!!!
This paragraph is for the girls only.
In France, all ladies over the delicate age of 50, are advised to have a full blood test, mammogram, smear and colon test every year.so, after the shipman experience I thought it best to obey., I tried to persuade Gill to accompany me so we could commiserate with each other, but she declined and said she was going on a detox diet first! So I decided to go for the lot all on one day. After careful planning, since each test is done in separate clinics spread across Draguignan I kicked off at 9am.My goodness what a day. Tits clamped together in a vice, Dracular taking 4 samples of blue blood, an up your houses sample, but I drew the line at the gynae bit, ONLY, and ONLY will my Mr Joe be permitted to do this sort of job. On the same day, all the results are emailed to you. I email them to Joe, he reckons I shall live and then I celebrate with a large glass of Veuve Cliquot. Good luck Gilly,I shall have the champers at the ready.
Following the floods in June, you can imagine the state of our track, even a caterpillar (not the hairy type!) Would have difficulty in attempting this rue. More importantly, Olif has a summer of guests arriving for the busy season. So, its over to our Lady Deputy Mayor, Chantal.
Before you can say frog’s legs, the HGV’s arrive and clear prepare and smooth the track. We now have our own M42 and no more moguls. (It helps to know the right people!)
Tash and her man Cedric have moved into the apartment, temporarily we are told!! Cedric’s flat in Draguignan was virtually destroyed by the floods so it was the least we could do.
Now, I did say temporarily, however on the bad side, they have bought two baby pigmy goats. Shipman has told me that they can live for 38years,may be told to eat the land, but prefer the wooden shutters, have to be bottled fed three times a day, are growing horns, and have taken an instant dislike to JS since he suggested a castration for the two of them and chevre casserole.
And another thing, mademoiselle Tash now tells ME how to clean the apartment more efficiently than I apparently have been doing so for the past 30years.
Now on the good side…….am still thinking!
Actually, cedric works very hard on the land. He has redone all the electric cloture,debroussaillaged (to clear the undergrowth) all the grass, spring cleaned the garage, fed the goats, done all the mechanics on Tasha’s car, adores me and looks rather suspiciously at JS,who seems to be always smoking his cigar and waving at cedric(presumably to encourage the young man to continue with his work!)
Having waited forever for internet, communication at St Blaise is intermittent but almost catching up with Welly Road. The latest gadget is an internet radio. Absoulutely revolutionized my life. We first spotted one down the road at our neighbours, thought about nicking theirs but Damian suggested they may be relatively cheap to buy here. So, Father and son trotted off to Darty, our equivalent to TC Hayes/Dixons, bought the little beauty and Damian spent the rest of his holiday setting it up. Encouraged of course by his girlfriend Alice and I in between sunbathing, gossiping and jugs of rose! I now have the Archers, gardener’s question time, Test cricket, woman’s hour, the weather and traffic news1 I heard you had a terrible traffic jam on the M1 the other day!
This time of year all our expat friends have their children and the grandchildren to stay. Now, this can be a really exciting time, leading up to the event that is. We all chat about the forthcoming period with excitement, expectation. And slight hesitation. We are shown numerous photos of this years new arrivals, sports day at a £26,000 a year private school where Bertram comes in last in the video footage, but we are assured that all the other boys were bigger than him, with longer legs. We have rotas for the airport runs, obviously the parents of little Bertram cannot afford to hire a car after paying last terms school fees! We have lists for booster seats, potties ,pool toys,calpol,train sets, arm bands, paddling pools and “what to do with junior” on days when the grandparents are knackered!
THEN THE LITTLE BEAUTIES ARRIVE.
Now, as Grandparents, our sole duty is to look after our grandchildren, 24hours, 7/7.the parents need to rest, sunbathe, be waited upon, and not interrupted by tantrums, cut arms/legs, insect bites or children that are bored. It does become a little scary when the average age of the Grandfather is 65+ and has been packed off by Grandma to Marine Land at Antibes and is expected to shoot down the shark infested water flume at 80mph..
We do have a Grandparent help line.”G.R.A.M.P” “Grandparents really about to murder pests” Grandparents, or soon to be Grandparents, are at hand if crises time arrives.
When September arrives, we can look years older, if this is possible, but in our hearts we know that our children and Bertram will be well rested, fed and wined to a top standard…free. Thank God we have a year before they descend upon us OAP’s once again
(Actually Grandpa Barber has suggested to Nana Judy if she fancies Euro Disney for Christmas)
The sangliar season is upon us once again. so its earplugs in, to block out the dogs wailing with excitement at 5am,wear your high visibility jackets at all times, to prevent the chasseurs from shooting you instead of the pigs! Check you’re medical insurance in case you do get shot, and hide Hugo, (the dog) because he looks like a fat sangliar.
Tash recently dislocated her knee, again (an old Blue coat injury on the trampoline). We were in the UK, Cedric working in Vidauban,so she had no choice but to drag herself to the phone and call the pompiers. They arrived a little disgruntled, because it was a Sunday and horror of horrors, it was lunchtime. However, they took one look at Tasha’s patella at right angles to her knee joint and thought this girl needed a bit of help.
They managed to reduce the dislocation, take her to Draguignan hospital, where she was seen immediately by the medics. Cedric and the back up party arrived, family, relatives, friends of friends etc and she was sent home with medication and a splint. The following day a district nurse came to see her at St Blaise morning and afternoon, administered heparin into her stomach, took a blood test the next day, and I then took her to have a CT scan, xray,and to the orthopaedic clinic to see Mr Beaujolais for his professional opinion. The efficiency of the French medical system never ceases to amaze me.
Weather in September is just perfect, the bluest of skies, not too hot, still swimming weather, and the Fig tree is just ready to pick. What a good life we lead, and we now have the Archers too.
Love to you all.
Bookings now being taken for the 2011 season.
All my love
TJ.and Keith. The house looks magnificent, and we approve of our bedroom. When can we move in? ps. the pork pie from beckets farm was divine, ask Keith to ask Mr. Becket to send me half a dozen. Or deliver them this October.
Joe and Val. Lovely to see you both still surviving after the perfect wedding. One day, I might need some advice!!
DD and Al. radio still working but still waiting for my knicker draw to be mended!
Clare and Robert. Not many people could say that their school girlfriend from 54years ago came for lunch.
Frank and Kate. Looking well, but keep taking the pills darling.
David. Lovely to see you, and looking so fit.
008. Keep battling on; it has to be worth it in the end!! Love 007 xxx
Chris,Em and Ozzie. Still trying to delete the message in the visitor’s book!
Honor, John,Essie and Matt. House all prepared for your arrival. Marmite supplies are good, but a Melton Mowbray pork pie may be an idea (crusty base!!)Only if you have a hold bag.xxxxxxxxxx
Jeff and Nancy. Massage couch ready but only after you have completed the jobs!
Judith. Thank you for the list of eateries in gay Paris.
Anna. are you ever coming to see us? Perfect time now.
Buzz. Have you got a recipe for coronation chicken..Quickly!I need it for Wednesday. Xxxxxxxxxxx
Mike and Maudie. Your Veg. garden will be filmed this September by Titnarsh,(a relation of Titchmarsh)get it sorted asap.
Ps. M,I think my grammar is getting better?? Please correct before you put it on the site,cos people will think I have never taken an O level in English!! Actually….